I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
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