just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
