dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish i was in the wii world.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
