watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
