Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize