Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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