I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
