I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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