Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
