dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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