I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
