As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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