dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just high enough for therapy.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
