Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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