okay pat passed out under dana's car
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize