Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You need a sexual gate keeper
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
