sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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