Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
