Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
