I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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