i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
