tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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