Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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