You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
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