His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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