watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize