Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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