I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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