Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dicks are not precious.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
