people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
