Sry I called you an 8
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
