sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
