Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
