Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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