did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
