I'm lost and stupid without you.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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