Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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