Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
