Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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