God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
