she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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