There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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