I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
