hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
