it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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