I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
