I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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