Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My ATM looks so different sober.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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