did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
