you have to choose: penises or morals?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
