god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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