My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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