Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
