one might say we're banned from that church
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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