i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
