okay pat passed out under dana's car
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
