did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
