i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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