new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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