I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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