He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
