I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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