Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
