I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize