this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
