I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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