Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
