I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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