idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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