I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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