Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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