meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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