I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize