My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
