I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
