wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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