Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize