i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
