she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
