well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
well you can't waste a boner
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
