I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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