Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
did you just send me my own nude
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
