I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I cut my penus on the lid.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
