Kareoke will never be a sober sport
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
