The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
