What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
