Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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