I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
