listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
