we're blogging at a bar
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
