i think my tv is drunk
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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