he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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