A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
