meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
