So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
