I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
