Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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