I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
