Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
