one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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