just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize