So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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