need another drink. this is the easiest way
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
