why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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