today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
