So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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