dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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