hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
