man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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