I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize