Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
