she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize