I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
bring money and cleavage
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
