Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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