he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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