Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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