I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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