Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
