i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
